Why Christian Women Don’t Live Up To Their Potential
When we HAVE God’s grace and powerful spirit within us, why do we still hold ourselves back? When I live in a country where I am free to do whatever I want and have all the opportunities I could possibly want, why do I freeze or take a step back into my comfort zone? I know I'm not alone in this. I've seen it with successful business women, SAHM moms, female prisoners, even my daughters! We live in a time period where although there are still challenges, we have it better than women in the past and yet there are so many women that I meet that are intelligent, funny, charismatic, wise, and organized that don't step into their fullest potential. The thought of doing something new terrifies them so much, that they stick to what they know and stay safe.
Now as someone who values safety and security I get it and I believe there are seasons it is important for your physical, spiritual, and mental health to remain in your comfort zone. I view opportunities to step out like sprints. Allowing yourself to build up the courage and then step out and go hard for a time period, and then come back to safety. Women and Men operate so differently. Women desire to go with the ebbs and flow of life and take into consideration their kids, spouse, and family's needs when considering how much of herself she wants to put out into the world. I see this as wise and brave. I get that at times we have to jump out of the nest before we can fly, but I don't believe that's every situation. I believe God equips us most of the time with the ability to fly, we just may not know we can until we jump out of that nest.
When I use the word potential, it is to idea of being utilized fully or being developed into something in the future. To have potential, doesn't mean you have it right now, it means you have the capacity to get there. This is where so many women stop themselves, they get to the point where they see what they're capable of...and that scares them, because it may disrupt everyone else's life, and to a woman that is the ultimate "no-no". We are taught to not make waves and to be the ones that create order...so, when a woman see's that she can do more with her life, but it will take changing her kids' schedule, asking her husband to help more, volunteering less, not having her house look nice, and not make fresh and healthy meals for her family regularly, she stops. Or at least that's what I've done.
There's been times I've trudged forward and made it work, it was definitely uncomfortable, but it brought me so much closer to God, what I didn't realize was the time I needed to rest...because trudging forward takes a lot of energy, I needed to take care of myself to make it sustainable. My husband and kids were waiting for it not to work, not because they wanted me to fail, but because it disrupted their life....but what if the disruption is worth it. What if they grow in to more independent, strong and creative people because I'm not there constantly doing it all for them and they see me doing hard things and stepping into my potential. Here's the thing looking back at times in my life where I held myself back, I can point to three main things: fear of failure, perfectionism, and not trusting myself. I'm not apologizing for experiencing these, but I'm choosing to learn!
3 ways we hold ourselves back
Fear of Failure- we don’t fail when gods on our side
Scripture- Romans 8:28 Psalm 73:26
Strategy- when you find yourself in a situation where you feel that you failed...yes "feel", because Failure is defined differently by everyone, allow yourself to consider what GOOD things came from it. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about others? and most importantly What did you learn ABOUT GOD? Failure is inevitable. It doesn't define you, God defines you and when you are walking with Christ, all things work out together for good...even if you can't see it or don't feel it. That's when faith steps in. Don't let fear of failure hold you back from your own potential.
Perfectionism- nobody is perfect and God’s grace covers us. I define Perfectionism as security blanket i can cover my body, mind, and spirit with. It feels good having everything in order, but the reality is that nothing is in order all the time. There are seasons when I don't know how to help my kids, or am frustrated with my husband, or lose clarity on my purpose. I found that I would use certain phrases to help me through, but really I was just stuffing the emotions that didn't look or feel pretty. Perfectionism doesn't mean that I think I'm better than anyone else, it actually means I don't think I'm very good at all, and therefore have to do all these things in order to earn acceptance and validation. People pleasing, overscheduling, dieting, constant cleaning, not saying what I truly feel, these are all ways my perfectionism sneaks in and holds me back, because if I don't feel good enough, I'm definitely not going to step into courage and bravery to do hard things. I'll stay in my nice little comfort zone...but God has more for me.
Scripture- Romans 5:8
Strategy- release expectations of how you think you're supposed to act, look, or feel. It’s okay to have standards you'd like to live up to, but don't deny yourself if you're not living up to those, because nobody is able to 100% of the time. Just let yourself feel what you're feeling...there are no feelings that are sinful, so be mad, irritated, judgmental ... then get curious. Ask yourself why you feel these feelings and then you'll find what thoughts were bringing those up. "everything is fine" is a common one I use, but sometimes everything isn't fine, and that's okay. Living up to your potential, means experiencing the spectrum of emotions, because that develops you as a well rounded human. Feel those feelings...even the uncomfortable ones! Also, do what you want to do. If you don't want to wear yoga pants and want to get dressed up to go to the store, girl do it! If you want to not wear makeup and lounge all day, let yourself! Trust yourself that you're not going to fall into a horrible habit of "letting yourself go" or always being expected to look "put together". Just be you. Which leads me to the third way Christians don't live up to their potential.
Not Trusting Ourselves and How God Made Us- He always shows up, we just have to let him work
Scripture- Jeremiah 29:11
Strategy- give God specific opportunities to build trust with you. Pray specific prayers so you know how and when we answers them. Reflection and gratitude also builds trust. imperative we are rooted in God’s word
Distrust in Ourselves- take time to know ourselves
Strategy- follow through with what you say. Ask your people what you’re good at. Make sure you’re rested. We can get tired and lose the energy to trust.
For more, follow me on social media at Tabatha Perry, Life Coach to learn more ways to create order in your life, by making small edits, so you step into your fullest- God-Given potential!