The Drug of Efficiency
Efficiency is something I have always prided myself on, however being efficient can warp your brain to think that everything should happen quickly, be well-organized and orderly, which unfortunately is not reality. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about creating order and being organized, but I also know that it isn't always possible, especially not quickly. Messiness and slowness are part of the process and that's okay, we're only human.
The drug of efficiency is cheap, it's easy to access, and everyone seems to be on it. To choose to not partake is saying “No” to something that others don't see anything wrong with. And maybe there's nothing fundamentally wrong with efficiency, but the results over a long period of time start to warp your interpretation of reality.
Some of the areas of my life that I've got caught up with the drug of efficiency is in parenthood, my health, my personal development, and my spiritual life.
Parenthood
As for parenthood- I can get frustrated with my kids because they don't do things "efficiently" or in a way that I think it should be done. Because efficiency is subjective. Their version of doing something that maximizes materials, time and energy is very different than mine! When I change my mindset to just let them be and figure things out on their own, I can then relax and just know as long as whatever I've asked them to do gets done, that's all that matters.
Health
Another area of my life where the drug of efficiency has brainwashed me is with my health, which nutrition is a big part of that. For awhile when I was working a lot of hours during the week, I decided it would be okay to just buy pre-made meals, eat out often, and not put the pressure on myself to make fresh and healthy meals. This was great for awhile, however our health and bank account started to have results I didn't like. I realized this area of my life can't always be efficient, because it was negatively effecting the health of my entire family. Meal planning and prepping takes time. Choosing to eat healthier options and stopping eating 3 hours before I go to sleep are choices I make that conflict with how my brain likes to be efficient, but ultimately, my health is a lot better when I allow the time, energy and materials it takes to make it all happen.
Personal Development
Personal Development is another area of life that I've realized I've been brain washed in. I want to be more disciplined, but not have to say no all the time. I want to understand more concepts, but not take the time to learn. I want to not be as anxious, but struggle to take my thoughts captive when I start to obsess and think negative thoughts that spiral. I've realized that efficiency has made me entitled, which is the opposite of how I want to operate. Personal development takes time, and effort. There's no cutting corners or maximizing efforts. It's the day in and day out of success and failure, of pushing yourself hard and then extending grace when you need it. You may not see the difference now, but as you work at it, those small edits you make in life, will add up to significant success! Just keep going. Don't let your brain tell you that you're not making progress because it's not going quick enough. The drug of efficiency is a liar.
Spiritual Life
The last area of my life, that I am aware of that I let efficiency slip into, is my Spiritual Life. All of us are made up of our mind, body and spirit. I would argue that our spirit is the most important aspect of our lives to make sure we're not letting efficiency seep into and control. Our spiritual life is a relationship between ourselves and God. Relationships are not to be rushed. They take time and trust to develop.
This idea that love cannot hurry has come up a lot for me. I think about this when I'm hurrying my kids out the door, or when I'm hurrying through the store and miss opportunities to extend a kind word to someone that may need it, or hurrying to drive somewhere and not be as aware as I should be. The same works in our spiritual life- that we cannot hurry our closeness with God. Hurrying does not bring out our better side. The fact is that He's always there. He never leaves us, it's the availability of our heart that determines the closeness. Availability takes time, because it requires vulnerability...and that's uncomfortable and scary...in fact NOT being efficient is scary, which is why it feels safe to constantly be striving for it.
Efficiency Detox
To NOT be efficient means we must operate from an abundant mindset that, we have enough time, materials, and energy. That we don't have to rush and expect everything to happen instantly with little mess. This requires trust. This requires confidence. These are qualities that take time to develop. The truth is that the BEST things come from the mess, from the inefficiencies, from the chaos. The BEST things come over time.
To NOT be efficient is to be counter-cultural, but wasn't that how Jesus operated? He never rushed. He never felt compelled to multi-task. He showed up and was present for the people who were in front of him.
What if we did that as women. What if We lived counter-cultural. That when someone asks us how we're doing, the first thing we say IS NOT "Busy, but good!" What if we take a minute and actually respond with how we're truly doing, because we actually know...because we're not just bouncing from thing to thing doing it all. What if we were present for our kids, friends and family without feeling like we should be doing 1000x other things at the same time?
So, with all that said, here are some warning signs that the drug of efficiency has maybe brainwashed you:
unrealistic expectations of people which has you constantly disappointed
unrealistic expectations of time
you have trouble disconnecting from work
you have trouble being present
your health isn't great
you feel distant from friends and family
you constantly feel tired and like you need a vacation
I share all this not to make you feel bad, but to just encourage you to consider, the what if...
What if...
you had realistic expectations of people, so the disappointments didn't throw you off so much.
you had realistic expectations of time, and were on time and didn't feel rushed getting there
you could disconnect from work easily and actually relax
you could be mentally present for your loved ones
your health improved instead of declined every year
you felt closer than ever to your friends and family
you felt refreshed and was able to enjoy a vacation instead of using it as an escape
As women, we can set the emotional climate in our home. We have an opportunity to change the trajectory of our lives, our children's and our spouse. We can be a light that inspires others to give themselves permission to not always feel like they have to be efficient. Yes, this is about you, but it's also about your family, your community and the world we live in. We don't know how much time we have on this earth, so making our lives count, by living them to their fullest, which means the mess and all is a privilege!