My Thinking Errors
Many times we get to hard places in life because of our own thinking...which is good news, because we can ultimately control our thoughts! It takes practice and intentional effort but when we fully own responsibility of our brain, we will experience results...this is similar to wanting to edit our physical health and fitness. We join a gym, exercise, eat healthier and we ultimately find the time to make the edits in our life to get the results.
BUT What about our mental fitness? We need to focus on both! Mental fitness includes intentional effort to be aware of any distorted ways of thinking that are based on feelings and not facts. Feelings create emotion, which are not always reliable- which can lead to thinking errors which ultimately causes emotional distress.
One way our brain may act out on us, is by coming up with Thinking Errors.
What are thinking errors and how do we get them? Thinking errors are thoughts our brain comes up with in order to cope with challenging life situations. The interesting part about them, is that they work! If the Thinking errors didn't work, we wouldn't use that strategy again...but just because they worked doesn't mean there isn't a ripple effect...and you are the only one that gets to decide if you like how the ripples go.
What I've found fascinating is that we ALL HAVE THINKING ERRORS, so I'll share a few of mine that I've had to work on over the years.
Thinking errors:
Ignoring the Good- You pay more attention to the bad and negative things and find yourself ignoring the good things.
I thought I was being responsible and practical by always pointing out the negative. I thought it made me strong, but it actually weakened me. Ignoring the good also protected me from feeling too vulnerable, because feeling good is very vulnerable. You must put yourself out there enough to risk disappointment.
TRUTH: when we ignore the good, we create a habit of it, which then makes it more and more common, until it turns into a belief that life is bad and things are bad.
Mind Reading- You believe you know what someone else is thinking, or why they do what they do without having enough information.
this can show up is assuming you know someone's intentions when they do something that surprises or offends you. Be willing to ask, so you get the full story.
TRUTH: everyone is unique and has a right to their own opinion. Allow others to express there's and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever they throw at you.
Black & White Thinking- You believe everything should be a certain way, and if it isn't that way, it's wrong. It's all or nothing. No grey.
I confused having standards and boundaries with this way of thinking. The truth is, there's multiple ways to look at a situation. This has been challenged a lot with being a parent...cuz, I thought my kids would dress a certain way, like certain activities, and obey immediately...but such is life, and that isn't reality. I've learned to love them for WHO they are, not an idea of HOW I think they should be.
TRUTH: this type of thinking error will leave you regularly discouraged and frustrated...which isn't a great way to live life. There are all shades of grey, and blue, and pink...God created us dynamic beings and in a complex world, so it's important to accept that there's no way to control life and we must accept it for what it is. Unpredictable.
Personalization- You take things personally when they have nothing to do with you. You also may take responsibility for things that aren't your fault.
I've used this one in a unique way...when I was 15, a much older man took an interest in me. An inappropriate interest and for at least 10 years, I had framed the situation that we were in a relationship, and that I liked older men. I definitely didn't. I had created that thought, which I thought so much, ended up turning into a belief.
The best way to work on these is to be aware that EVERYONE has them. Don't judge, just get curious. Once you identify yours, take time to think or write out how it effects your life. The good, bad and the ugly. Explore how that thinking has served you and what it has protected you from. Then, take a thought and reframe it. For example, with Black & White thinking, you'll reflect on a situation that didn't turn out the way you wanted it to and reframe the thought to be something like, "It didn't turn out the way I wanted, but I can handle it." or ask yourself, "Is this a big deal or little deal?".
You may not have any thinking errors that come to mind and that's normal! They're super sneaky!! Just allow yourself to remain curious and backtrack into situations that feel uncomfortable or emotionally challenging...there you might find something.
Remember to allow yourself to make small edits in your day to create the life you want and to step into your fullest God-given potential. Make it an incredible day!